Wednesday, February 15

Hello, 29

It's difficult for me to realize that as of today I am now 29 years old. The number just sounds so much more significant than I feel I am age-wise. Next year there will be a new number before my age and with it a new and different chapter of my life. It is a bit strange because when I was younger I could not see my life past the age of 21. Strangely enough my life improved vastly in my early- to mid-twenties and I began to make plans for everything I wanted to do before I reached 30. Now that I'm exactly one year away from 30 I realize some goals just aren't going to happen. And that's not really a bad thing.

When Jeff and I first became serious I told him the goals I had - things like having my first child or at least being pregnant by the time I'm 30. But at that time I never imagined I would be in graduate school and living almost completely independently with Jeff. I see now that some goals will have to be pushed back because other events that have only just begun have changed my immediate priorities.

The goals that I once had are still my goals, they just aren't as immediate. Right now my focus is on continuing in graduate school and identifying a potential career. In some ways life is slower but more busy and intense. If that makes any sense. The one important thing to keep in mind is that just because you set an ideal goal for yourself that doesn't mean that you can't push it back until later if other, more important things appear in the interim.

I don't know if I will ever feel my age. I was raised around adults and always got along better with people who were much older than me. I was a bit older than the other students in undergrad, especially in the dorms. Right now I feel as though I am in the company of similarly-aged students in my graduate program but I don't really know them all. What I suppose I'm trying to say is that my age has always been different from the age I feel I am. I feel much younger than I perceive 29 to be. I certainly look younger than 29 (when I compare myself to others who are my age). I'm sure in a few years I will be absolutely delighted to look younger than my current age. In the meantime I should just enjoy feeling the way I do and not worry about what a number means.

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